so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
