goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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