all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize