he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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