I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
