you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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