So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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