id be glad to
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
