When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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