I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize