I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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