Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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