No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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