I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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