If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
