My first STD was from a foam party
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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