I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
