Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize