I am puke
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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