oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
