His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
