I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
