id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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