Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
