You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
