Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
