take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
