She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
