Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
