just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
