no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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