God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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