you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
