I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
