We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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