direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
