I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
