i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
