you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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