It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
