New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
