I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
