I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
