Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
