The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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