I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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