I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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