So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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