i just had sex bonerless
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
