why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize