i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
