Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
