It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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