How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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