i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
