Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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