my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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