no, he came in my armpit
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just high enough for therapy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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