you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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