this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
