So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
