dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize