Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
