Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize