i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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