Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my being single is dangerous.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
