Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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