Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
