So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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