Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
