Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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