my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
