Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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