Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
