Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
