Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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