you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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