dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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