About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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