She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
