before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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