Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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