I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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