You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
