hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
