I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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