i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
