My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize