Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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