home. puking in laundry basket.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
3pm strippers are depressing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
