dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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