O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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