So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
