I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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