i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
