Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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