I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize