The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
